Perfection and Vulnerability

In the midst of feeling a bit down on myself for many reasons, I came across the following:

This article

and

This video

 One of my favorite lines from that video was this:

"They let go of who they should be in order to be who they were."

As a writer, I am a bit of a paradox.

I find vulnerability and deep, raw emotion completely inaccesible. And I know how important those elements are to effective writing.

Growing up, somewhere along the way I learned that those were bad things. Because they meant weakness, and weakness meant people pitied you and belittled your power, and without power you would never have the momentum or the means to give yourself a better life.

I don't know where I came up with that rationale, but it dictated every single important decision I ever made.

I was proud of my lack of vulnerability. I was proud of the little emotion I showed. I was proud that very, very few people in my life had ever seen me cry, or break down, or slip up. It felt good to always be the one people came to, and to never be the one who needed saving.

Because to be rescued from time to time, or to need help, equaled vulnerability. And imperfection.

And no two things, in my mind, could ever be more lethal than those.

But then came college, and I got to know people better. I wrote articles about people. I talked to people I would never have talked to. I began to discover what it was that made people interesting, and what made them admirable.

I didn't care if they were perfect. I didn't care if they showed emotion. I wanted to hear about their failures, and what those rock-bottom moments taught them. I learned that the very strongest people were those who absolutely knew how imperfect they were.

Not only that, but they knew their imperfections were the best part of themselves.

I love that specific Ted Talk link because Brene Brown is someone I relate to; someone who loves measurements and guarantees. And someone who learned that the best parts of life are the most fragile, and the most vulnerable.

Something I have learned, and am in the process of learning, is that being who you are is the most freeing thing you can do. Admitting failure and asking for help are necessary rungs on the ladder of success.

Just starting out, I have a lot of self-doubt right now. The easiest thing to do would be to find something safe to do with my time. Something guaranteed. But I am lucky enough that I made a promise to myself as a little girl that I would never turn my back on who I am and what I want to become, and I can't drown out the voice of that promise no matter how hard I try.

So I suppose the purpose of this post is that I really, really admire people who aren't afraid of failure or imperfection, who have the strength to be unabashedly kind, and who have the power to avoid the allure of perfectionism.

And to remind you, in case you needed to hear it, that who you actually are is so much better than any front you can come up with.

Finally, one of my favorite quotes, if it ties into this post at all, which has gotten me through quite a bit this year:

"Rock bottom became the solid foundation upon which I rebuilt my life."-J.K. Rowling