Amazeballs. (And 10 things about life right now.)

^^^^^^^ The reason for that title is simply because I HATE THAT WORD!

If partial unemployment has taught me anything, it's the following:

1.) I suddenly have an obsession with Giuliana Rancic.

2.) I freaked out and joined a bunch of groups including a walking group for women my mom's age (nothing wrong with that!), contacting all the volunteering places I possibly can and signing up for an adult ballet class. Which is funny, because the last time I took ballet was also around the first time I saw Lizzie McGuire. 

3.) I am slowly morphing into some sort of quarter-life crisis Martha Stewart. I am growing pumpkins. I am utterly concerned with finding the perfect pumpkin soup recipe. I buy house magazines. I include "take out dog" and "water plants" on my to-do list. My 2-year-old betta fish Lloyd died a couple days ago, so I bought a new fish with the help of my boyfriend. He's not eating well (the fish, not the boyfriend...) and I am deeply concerned. Like a partial stay-at-home fish mom. It's all very odd. And pretty much a 180 from my college life last year.

4.) I talk to the animals like they're people. We have photo shoots.

"Let me sleep, crazy woman!"

5.) I'm writing again. It's not much, but finishing my first novel was one of my proudest accomplishments. Starting the second is daunting but necessary, and working part-time allows me that opportunity.

6.) I really miss walking around campus. I love walking, and I don't have much reason to anymore. Also, walking alone around neighborhoods freaks me out sometimes, depending on where I am and what time of day it is. So now...I do laps around the mall. It's a small mall, though, so after a few laps people start to look concerned.

7.) Anytime my phone rings with an unknown number, I freak. ("Employer calling for an interview?!") But every time it is a robot speaking Spanish and telling me I won a free cruise. Every. Single. Time. 

8.) I cry watching "Say Yes to the Dress." And I am INTJ. Crying isn't my thing. So that says a lot.

9.) I have no clue how to be an adult. I rethink career moves every day. One day I decide to be a nanny. The next day I think I should just be a secretary forever. Later I contemplate moving to the forest or something, even though I hate things that crawl or scuttle.

10.) Despite it all, I am grateful for this immensely frustrating time. And I know that when I am finally gainfully employed, I will be all the more ready because of it.

So that's all. Oh and P.S.-TOMORROW IS FRIDAY!!!

22: A love/hate relationship

I have always believed everyone has a certain age that their personality is most suited for.

Some people always have a childlike wonder and innocence about them. Others were practically born to be a grandparent. Others still live for the nightlife, the freedom, and the grandeur of their 20s.

I do not fit into that last category. By any stretch of the imagination. I am not spontaneous, particularly daring or fond of anything that happens past 8 p.m. Dating was such a chore that I was pretty bad at (but luckily for me, I got incredibly lucky and met someone fantastic early on.) And partying? Picture this: Sophomore year of college. I throw on a cardigan and make myself apple cinnamon tea to attend a frat party. True story. However, people called me "tea girl" the rest of the night and found me very entertaining, so I think that's a plus?

I have a middle-aged to old-aged soul. I always have. I love responsibility, crave wisdom, and live for the early mornings. Nothing gives me pleasure like planning budgets, thinking about savings, getting breakfast at 6 a.m., etc. Because of that, this "major upheavel/trying to find my way" part of life is really throwing me out of my element. School was great. I was a natural student. Learning is so cool, especially in an organized setting like that. Then graduation came...

...and I have absolutely no clue what to do with freedom and down time. I used to love to talk about how busy I was. (Yes...I am one of those.) "Oh, who has time for TV?! I certainly don't!" Yeah. The TV and I have been pretty close lately. So. Much. TLC. Someone called me about a job interview and there was Honey Boo Boo in the background yelling "Mama done eat like a pig!"

I have decided to pick up hobbies, so I joined a few groups. A walking group, a meditation group, a volunteer group...oddly enough, no one near my age is in those groups. Seriously guys, what do you all know that I don't?! Where do all you early 20-somethings hang out?!

Don't take offense to this, but I don't get along nearly as well with people my own age as I do with much older people. Have you ever met someone who is way better at communicating with children than they are with their peers? That's me. Just reversed. It's finally starting to balance now. When I was 10 I communicated better with 40-year-olds. I still communicate better with adults. But, I am finally sort of one of them, so I do feel very slightly more normal.

The one thing I can say for 22-dom is that I am healthy. I love that. My body feels ready to take on the next 75 years of my life. I won't have this energy forever, so I'm trying to appreciate it while it's here.

And another thing....I had no clue how much I would learn between the ages of 18 and 22. It's not just due to life experiences, either. I just feel like my brain is real now? Like...fully developed? That's a real thing, I read it somewhere. Our brains mature until we hit somewhere between 23 and 25. So that's nice. I craft less stupid and erratic thoughts.

So thank you, Taylor Swift, for getting 22 just about right. It's pretty dang uncomfortable in a sort of fun, exciting way, with just a hint of occasional doomsday depression.

For those of you out there...how old are you at heart? Because I don't know about you, but I'm feeling 52. (Sorry, I had to!)

Down South

it will be quiet round these parts for the next week or so beause i am vacationing in gulf shores alabama and new orleans.

also...i am writing this on my phone and that is proving difficuult, hence the lack of capitalization and exclamation points.

oh, and pictures. apparently thats not allowed either.

have a wonderful week! whoa..that exclamation point worked. cool.