In the garden

^^^^ Those are my pumpkins! They grow super fast every single day. They have tiny buds on the vines that will flower, and later become pumpkins!

******

Today I am heading home, seeing some people I have missed very much.

I am looking so, so forward to it. A great way to spend this weekend.

This week was as lazy and cozy as anticipated.

One of my favorite moments was finding blackberries in the garden and sprinkling them over vanilla ice cream while we watched Dr. Who.

Also, notice the new blog design? Jessica over at North Carolina Grown made it for me, so if you're in the market for a little blog revamping, head on over and visit her!

Another random aside, I put up a Bloglovin' button near the top right of the page, so please follow me :) I don't want to lose you all in the Google reader transition!

And last, how cool is this?

I vote Jupiter. Or Saturn.

Happy weekend!

What's your personality type?

At the crack of dawn tomorrow morning, I will meet with my friend for some pre-work breakfast.

She and I meet every Thursday morning at 6 a.m., get pancakes (or some other sunrise equivalent) and talk personality types. Myers Briggs style.

I love this stuff, and I always have. I seriously can't get enough. It's fun. And so far, I have found it to be pretty dead-on. 

Tom and I are both INTJ's. Interestingly, I have read that is the least common personality type for a female to possess. So that either makes me really cool, or really un-relatable. Either way, I accept it.

Tom and I both being INTJ's is really interesting because outwardly, we seem pretty different. But really, the only main difference is that I talk more than he does. He and I are actually remarkably similar. 

To give you a good example, imagine Spock dating himself. I think that's probably what our relationship looks like from the outside. But it's great fun, because we really "get" each other.

Oddly enough, I love having an INTJ as a boyfriend, but as friends? No way. I tend to prefer people who are vastly different from myself, with the exception of a few. 

Which personality type are you?

This is the best quiz I've found:

Here

Comment below with your type, and if you're just as into it as I am!

A dreamy morning

"Keep close to nature's heart... and break clear away, once in awhile, and climb a mountain or spend a week in the woods. Wash your spirit clean."

-John Muir

*****

I have a lot of hope for this week.

I hope to enjoy several cups of tea, cozy evenings, rainy mornings, fireflies in the garden, good books, time with friends, and lazy afternoons.

It's going to be a lazy sort of week. I can feel it in my bones. I always welcome those weeks. I don't really do more or less than other times; it's a state of mind. Doing everything with a sense of calm as opposed to frantically forcing the day along.

I wish you a lazy sort of week.

And a warm mug of tea on a rainy morning.

The case for having enough

I believe I have grown up in the "have it all" era.

Where information on anything is one internet search away, produce from all corners of the earth are available in one grocery aisle, and faraway human connection with so many mediums is immediate.

But even more than that, I have grown up with immense potential, because after so many years of fighting for equality, women are finally able to shatter society's ceilings and become whomever they want. There is still not perfect equality; the majority of the most powerful people in the United States are still men. But we have come so far, and I never grew up thinking I couldn't be something simply because I'm a female. 

I have also grown up with the constant encouragement to never settle because I have don't have to, and to "have it all" because I can.

I remember when this movie ^^^^^ was coming out on DVD, and Tom and I were at the video store. He said, "That movie reminds me of you." And he was right. I am the quintessential busybody, the 20-something female trying to do everything all at once.

We, or at least I, have been taught to seek a high-powered career, a supportive husband who will split housework and childcare with me, an hour-long workout every day, a consistently balanced mind, a pristine home, a bulletproof financial plan and a whole slew of hobbies, all while making time to volunteer weekly, spend plenty of time with my children, read before bedtime and purchase only locally-grown, organic foods to feed my family.

All of that is good, of course, individually. Wonderful, even. Can you imagine if all of that worked out flawlessly? What kind of life that would be? It would be perfection, and perfection doesn't exist. Somewhere along the line, something has to give. 

My problem is not in striving for all of that. It's important to push yourself and reach for what you really want. My problem is that with all this "leaning in" and striving and pushing, is there room left for appreciation? Is there opportunity to put your heart and soul into something if you're trying to keep too much above water? Are we even really seeking what we want, or just what we have been taught we should want?

Society itself and so many people have worked for decades to ensure that women don't have to settle. To forge a path to their "have-it-all" kingdom.

But because we can have all that, does that mean we have to pursue it, regardless of what we want?

I want to have a fulfilling career. I want to have children and a loving, cozy household and a husband I have fun with and good health. I want to have fulfilling friendships, exciting adventures and a solid retirement plan. But I am not in a rush to have it all, all at the same time. 

That's where I think the have-it-all-dom starts to droop. We get a lot of mixed signals. A lot of "do this, do that. Do it right now."

Sometimes, you do need to lean back. To get your head out of the static of everything being thrown at you, and realize there are only 24 hours in a day. And to take a look, just for a moment, at everything you have to be grateful for.

I don't want to have it all; I want to prioritize. I want to say "This is important to me and my life, right now."And to focus on that, as opposed to being everything for everybody all the time.

I am hoping that I can build my own existence, one not confined by the plans society has for me. Just one that's right for me as a person and those I love. That will be enough for me.

As for what my "enough" will look like, only time will tell. But right now it's living in my boyfriend's family's basement, working part-time at an old internship, and appreciating this time in my life, which I know will be fleeting.

Do you feel overwhelmed by this "have it all" mentality, as well? What does "enough" look like to you?

Summer face savers

I don't know what it is about summer that drives me watch endless Laguna Beach episodes, but it does.

Even though I sit there all "These kids are so dumb. No one is like that in real life!" And then I watch another hour of that nonsense. Every. Summer.

Today is going to be a mishmash of things I have planning to blog about all week, and then didn't.

...I don't even have a good excuse for why I didn't. It's too hot outside to come up with something.

Random song for the first day of summer:

Since I have only work part time now, I have had extra time to do some pampering.

So I am going to tell you about my all-time favorite summer face mask recipes, which I have returned to this week. Because heat waves are rarely kind to my skin. The only problem is, I always want to eat them. Oh well.

****FOR SUNBURNS****

-1/2 cup greek yogurt

-2 tablespoons honey

-1 tablespoon ground oats

Combine the ingredients and leave on face for about 20 minutes. The greek yogurt and oats work to soothe and soften the skin, and honey helps draw out impurities without drying out the skin too much. I have dry skin, so I always tend to follow this by putting a little olive oil on my face.

****FOR DRY SKIN****

-1/2 avocado

-1 tablespoon honey

I am in love with avocado. It's smooth and indulgent, and feels just as luxurious as a mask. I use it in a hair mask as well, which I'll have to post soon.

****FOR ACNE-PRONE SKIN****

-Honey

I love to use honey as a mask all on its own. It helps when your skin is feeling completely out of control  or breaking out, and it's great for oily skin, too.

If you try any of those out, let me know how they work for you! Happy summer:)

I will leave you with this article about why you really shouldn't mess with the ocean.

(I was practically in tears. Hilarious as always, buzzfeed.)

Weekend Views

Well, today I'm back at my old internship. Thankfully, they are letting me hang around while I try to get  my life figured out. 

I hope everyone had a lovely father's day weekend! It was a good one round these parts. Very relaxing.

Because I have been way too lazy to charge my camera (seriously...that's a problem) I have a bunch of phone photos today! Ah well, it'll do. 

Saturday morning I got up at the crack of dawn to head to the local farmers' market on the riverfront. I only went a couple times last summer, but I loved it, so I decided it was worth losing an hour or two of sleep.

I was probably the only one under 50 there at that hour, but I'm at least 80 at heart, so it's okay.

Proof of that statement: The sunhat

The most delicious-smelling bouquet ever. (Add a homemade blueberry muffin and you've got the makings of a splendid Saturday breakfast! But since it's Monday, I'll stop talking about Saturday because it's over and that's kind of sad.)

Makings of my favorite carrot apple ginger soup recipe:

Father's Day outing to the park:

Since I decided to kick sugar for a month starting today, look at the delicious cake I had to turn down.

LOOK AT IT!

That's not even right. It's sitting behind me as I type this and I am really, really caving on willpower here. 

Have a happy week!

A Mindful Week

After the stress of last week, I have decided to make this week mindful, healthful, and rejuvenating.

Because I mean...I'm only working part-time for now, so why not?

I ate a whole bunch of iconic summertime foods this weekend(hot dog, milkshake, Dairy Queen blizzard, fresh-baked muffin, red velvet funnel cake...not even kidding), which means my body is feeling pretty sluggish right about now.

I've been doing that the past couple weekends, and I can really tell it slows me down. During the week I stick to mostly healthy foods, but I feel like it's time to get back on track.

I have been trying and trying and TRYING to kick desserts for a whole month, but I always come up with an excuse like...24 hours in. 

It's usually something like "Life is short!" And it works every time.

But I really want to try it, more as an experiment than anything else. I want to know what kinds of effects getting rid of most sugars (except fruit) would have on me.

So for the sake of accountability, I'll blog about it.

(Has anyone else done this? Because I seriously struggle every time. Major sugar addiction here.)

After a month I'd likely go back to "moderation is key," but I'm all for a challenge.

The ONE exception...my graduation party is in mid-July, and there's no way I'm missing that cake. 

Not. Happening.

But other than that, this time I am really going to try it out. 

During times when I feel the need to detox a bit, I usually stick to the following:

-Hot water with lemon

-Green smoothies

-Oatmeal with almond butter

-Salads

-Quinoa with fruits or veggies

And that's about it. I also try to work in a little more exercise.

I've never been good and doing anything regularly for a month, except general hygiene practices, so we'll see how this goes.

Wish me luck! And if anyone else has given this a shot, do you have any tips for me? :)

PAPAYA! Designs

If I could take my personality and put it into artwork, it would be PAPAYA! designs.

I found a calendar of theirs a few years back and fell in love. Now I can't get enough, and I can only find them at random boutiques, which is always a nice surprise.

All of their items are the perfect blend of vintage, whimsy and color.

Just looking at my wallet throughout the day makes me happy.

(Grad gift-thanks mom!)

   

Source: art.papaya-store.com via Heather on Pinterest

More lovely things:

Source: art.papaya-store.com via Heather on Pinterest

Source: art.papaya-store.com via Heather on Pinterest

Source: art.papaya-store.com via Heather on Pinterest

Aren't they gorgeous? I started with the Muses calendar from 2011, and when the year was over I tore out the pictures and turned them into artwork.

Check out the store here.

Happy browsing!

Perfection and Vulnerability

In the midst of feeling a bit down on myself for many reasons, I came across the following:

This article

and

This video

 One of my favorite lines from that video was this:

"They let go of who they should be in order to be who they were."

As a writer, I am a bit of a paradox.

I find vulnerability and deep, raw emotion completely inaccesible. And I know how important those elements are to effective writing.

Growing up, somewhere along the way I learned that those were bad things. Because they meant weakness, and weakness meant people pitied you and belittled your power, and without power you would never have the momentum or the means to give yourself a better life.

I don't know where I came up with that rationale, but it dictated every single important decision I ever made.

I was proud of my lack of vulnerability. I was proud of the little emotion I showed. I was proud that very, very few people in my life had ever seen me cry, or break down, or slip up. It felt good to always be the one people came to, and to never be the one who needed saving.

Because to be rescued from time to time, or to need help, equaled vulnerability. And imperfection.

And no two things, in my mind, could ever be more lethal than those.

But then came college, and I got to know people better. I wrote articles about people. I talked to people I would never have talked to. I began to discover what it was that made people interesting, and what made them admirable.

I didn't care if they were perfect. I didn't care if they showed emotion. I wanted to hear about their failures, and what those rock-bottom moments taught them. I learned that the very strongest people were those who absolutely knew how imperfect they were.

Not only that, but they knew their imperfections were the best part of themselves.

I love that specific Ted Talk link because Brene Brown is someone I relate to; someone who loves measurements and guarantees. And someone who learned that the best parts of life are the most fragile, and the most vulnerable.

Something I have learned, and am in the process of learning, is that being who you are is the most freeing thing you can do. Admitting failure and asking for help are necessary rungs on the ladder of success.

Just starting out, I have a lot of self-doubt right now. The easiest thing to do would be to find something safe to do with my time. Something guaranteed. But I am lucky enough that I made a promise to myself as a little girl that I would never turn my back on who I am and what I want to become, and I can't drown out the voice of that promise no matter how hard I try.

So I suppose the purpose of this post is that I really, really admire people who aren't afraid of failure or imperfection, who have the strength to be unabashedly kind, and who have the power to avoid the allure of perfectionism.

And to remind you, in case you needed to hear it, that who you actually are is so much better than any front you can come up with.

Finally, one of my favorite quotes, if it ties into this post at all, which has gotten me through quite a bit this year:

"Rock bottom became the solid foundation upon which I rebuilt my life."-J.K. Rowling

Because I like to keep things interesting.

Some girl stole the ONLY outlet in the Barnes and Noble cafe, so now I am in the very back corner of the place. On the floor. Next to the "Marijuana Book." Life is hard.

So there was this one time, about two months ago, that I was offered a job.

Ecstatic, I accepted. Read about that here.

And now, about two-and-a-half weeks after beginning, I have left my job.

"But WAIT!" Someone says. "Have you looked at the job market? Do you realize how lucky you were? Do you want to starve out there in the big, scary world?"

Sometimes things happen, and you have to make a choice. There was a gut feeling, a whisper at first, that grew into a scream so fast I wasn't sure if I could tune it out any longer. I couldn't. And I know deep down I made the right choice, and the person who belongs in that position will find it.

Of course, that leaves me out floating in the oblivion somewhere, grabbing onto obscure things for leverage and hoping they don't shatter into a million pieces when I do.

But to be honest with you, I learned so much from that experience that I'm not even worried. I was so happy to have a job because then I wouldn't have to be that person. The one who graduates college and, when everyone asks them what they're doing next, doesn't have an answer.

I was afraid of the silence after the question. Because all my life, I equated myself with what I was doing.

I was a student. A newspaper editor. An editorial intern.

And now, I suppose, I'm...nothing?

I'm still lucky, you see. I am going back to my old internship temporarily, so I will have some sort of income stream.

But I was so afraid of not having a career path immediately after graduating that I forced myself into one.

And now, with my first real job in corporate America behind me, I am having to actually sit down and ask myself, "So what do you want to be when you grow up?"

And you know what? I kind of like it.

Because for the first time I'm not worried about making anyone else happy. All I have to take care of now is myself. That's a pretty profound feeling, when you are the only one in charge of yourself.

You can go anywhere and do anything, and the time to really do that is a rather small window.

I didn't want to muck up my window by doing what I thought I should.

So I'm back to square one. Figuring it all out. As I think everyone is in some capacity. It doesn't just go away.

All that being said, I have some job hunting to do.

Cheers to another midweek accomplished!

Summer dreamin'

Something about the smell of sunscreen takes me back to endless days, a whisper in the leaves and freckles on my nose.

Summer always was, and still is, such a magical time. It brings late nights, ice cream on a Wednesday just for fun, and significantly more fun outings.

Sunrises, concerts on the riverfront, farmers' markets and s'mores.

Fall will always be my true love. But summer is a fun, if fleeting, romance beforehand.

Some links for fun:

Do powerful women=emasculated men?

Love Lena Durham's 16-year-old dream wedding. I think mine involved a cliff in Maine or something...and a lot of cupcakes. 

Speaking of weddings, how lovely is this French destination wedding?

How to ask an illuminating question.

**********

What my phone saw

Bits of life my phone captured over the past month or so. Something to tide you over until the really interesting post tomorrow!

Started drinking these. Pretty delicious and fizzy! That's my desk at work.

Which will no longer be my desk come Thursday...more on that tomorrow...

*Quick, look pensive while the train takes ten minutes to pass*

My poor new Toms are no longer that shiny and new. Two weeks of owning them and they have already been tracked through mud.

These cookies were heavenly.

Saying goodbye to an old friend on graduation day.

You mean you don't watch Halloweentown 2 every June? 

Happy Tuesday!

A quick trip (THERE IS A BABY ELEPHANT IN THIS POST.)

This weekend my boyfriend, his sister, myself, and his parents all packed into a car and visited my family in St. Louis.

So that's three tall twentysomethings packed into the backseat of a car for a few hours, starting at the crack of dawn, to then spend the whole day outside.

A good time was had by all. 

We stopped by the St. Louis zoo and Montelle, one of my favorite wineries out there!

My dad has been taking me to wineries since I was maybe...12? So I may have only been able to legally drink for a year, but yes, I do already have a favorite winery.

Because I'm 22 going on 50.

Also, I did not drink the wine when I was 12. Just to clear that up.

But I digress.

Blurry, but I had to include the cute little desert owl. ^^^^^

What the hell is that thing? ^^^^^ Guess I should've read the sign...

Contrary to what it may seem from my pictures, there were actually five other people there with us.

BABY ELEPHANT BABY ELEPHANT!!

That thing is a monster. And it WILL land on your shoulder if you're not careful.

Views from the winery:

The greatest way to end a Saturday.

Have a lovely week, friends!

Quinoa Pancakes

I have been seriously craving sweets lately. And by "lately," I mean my entire life.

So for dinner tonight, I whipped up a batch of these babies:

I found the original recipe here, but I tweaked it a bit. I used olive oil in place of the butter, almond milk instead of regular milk, and added a dash of cinnamon and a teaspoon of vanilla. 

They were delicious and super filling, especially after a workout.

...Even if I did add a boatload of syrup and powdered sugar. Surprisingly, I still felt way better after eating these than I do after eating regular pancakes. I am eating them for lunch tomorrow, and I plan on making them many more times in the future.

But tomorrow when I meet a friend for a 6 a.m. breakfast? It might be real pancake time. Sometimes you just can't beat 'em.

Refuge

It has been a very interesting week. The life changes just keep on rolling in, and I'm just trying to keep up.

That has resulted into a whole lot of stops for cinnamon tea and cinnamon scones at Barnes and Noble. I have no idea why that's so soothing, but it has to be that combination exactly.

I no longer have the luxury of predicting where I'll be next month, or maybe even next week. And I wonder if this will one day make sense. Like this weird period of upheaval is laying the groundwork for something important.

Good lord, life happens fast. And when it does, I almost always bury myself in the aisles of a bookstore, tea in hand. I have since I was little, when my mom would take me. We'd walk around the store collecting an armful of books, and read in silence while we ate a scone or a cupcake. 

In high school I would go there to do homework. Somewhere away from home, where I could take a break to browse through the magazines.

And now it's where I go, hoping to find the root of who I am. I figure maybe I'll see my eight-year-old self there, reading The Golden Compass. 

Or my sixteen-year-old self, scouring the aisles for the newest Sarah Dessen novel.

And then, like running into a good friend, I'll remember what's at my core.

Or at the very least, find a good story to accompany me while I'm busy writing my own.

What's your refuge?

June Photo Challenge

I have been wanting to do a month-long blog challenge for awhile now, and I think I finally found one I like (and can stick to!)

                                                                    Source: lilpasteeaters.blogspot.com via Heather on Pinterest

I figured I'd just post these in addition to my usual posts; some of these I'm really excited for!

Since yesterday I took a bunch of morning pictures just because, I will move right into photo #2!

2. Empty

This is the remains of this morning's cherry cosmo with mint leaves in my favorite red mug. I have an unhealthy tea obsession. Nothing is more soothing. I drank it while watching Castle, which made it even better. 

Have a relaxing Sunday!

June.

Scenes from the morning

Sleepy puppy

Rose in the garden

Basil for my tea

The pattern on my fresh new journal

******

Every now and again, life takes the form of a kind of limbo. And you know, absolutely, that you are between two incredible chapters.

But there is that lull in the middle, where you sit wondering, feeling immensely out of place. And considering every possible next step. Wondering where you will end up.

When you are given the chance to do anything with your life, anything at all, the hard part isn't succeeding. It's knowing where to start, and which turns to take.

Here's to the valleys that allow us to find the depths of ourselves, and rejuvenate us for the peaks.

And here's to June, and it's quiet beauty.

And the bloom of a shiny new summer, like none ever before.

Happy June!