What is "happy"?

Riley makes me happy.

And just like that, we're nearing mid-June. 

This past weekend I got to go home, visit my family, and meet up with friends at a friend's bridal shower. I love where I live now, but going home to the Chicago suburbs always feels like getting back to my roots. 

Then I got back to work, and things were crazy. It's all calmed down now, but it was just one of those days that took a long walk, working out, and meditation to relax in the evening.

I was thinking about "happy" in the midst of all that. There is so much out there telling us to be happy. "Do what makes you happy, go where you feel happiest, life is too short to be anything but happy," etc.

And I thought about this excerpt I read on A Cup of Jo the other day: 

"I actually attack the concept of happiness. The idea that—I don't mind people being happy—but the idea that everything we do is part of the pursuit of happiness seems to me a really dangerous idea and has led to a contemporary disease in Western society, which is fear of sadness. It's a really odd thing that we're now seeing people saying "write down three things that made you happy today before you go to sleep" and "cheer up" and "happiness is our birthright" and so on. We're kind of teaching our kids that happiness is the default position. It's rubbish. Wholeness is what we ought to be striving for and part of that is sadness, disappointment, frustration, failure; all of those things which make us who we are. Happiness and victory and fulfillment are nice little things that also happen to us, but they don't teach us much. Everyone says we grow through pain and then as soon as they experience pain they say, "Quick! Move on! Cheer up!" I'd like just for a year to have a moratorium on the word "happiness" and to replace it with the word "wholeness." Ask yourself, "Is this contributing to my wholeness?" and if you're having a bad day, it is."

—Hugh MacKay, author of The Good Life

There is so much truth in that. It's confusing to be told to strive to be happy, because to me, that's more a surface mood than anything else. It comes and goes depending on the day. We know it means something deeper, like contentment at a soul level, but I think we more often associate "happy" with smiling, playing, and being free from pain or stress.

Being told to "do what makes you happy" confuses people into doing what they think is easy. Because the real feeling they're looking for is appreciation, or wholeness, as Hugh MacKay pointed out. But what is truly meaningful to them might take work, sweat, tears and sacrifices, and certainly isn't going to make them feel happy all of the time. 

Something doesn't have to make you eternally happy to be completely worth your time and dedication. I try to replace "happy" with "grateful." If I am having an awful day, I am not going to be happy about it. But I still feel grateful for it, because I think everything I have right now belongs in my life. Some things I am even astounded I get to claim as my own. 

The only part I don't agree with out of that passage is the line about writing down things that make you happy. I think doing that is great. Why not? It's always just reminded me of the things that make me smile, and the things I am grateful for.

What do you think? Is all this "happy" pushing us to strive for a mood rather than a purpose?

Happy Wednesday!

Moone Boy

This week, like so many others before it, has been the kind of week that requires excessive amounts of caffeine and motivational quotes. But I have found something to look forward to every night. (Other than seeing Thomas and taking our evening walks, of course! We have a lot of dog friends we see along the way. Shout out to Dory the dachshund in her pink harness.)

Moone Boy!

So I first heard about this show on NPR about a week ago. They were interviewing Chris O'Dowd, whom you may recognize from Bridesmaids. This show is his semi-autobiographical creation that he co-writes, and he plays an imaginary friend to 12-year-old Martin Moone. It follows Martin, his friends, his family, and his mishaps. It's set in Ireland, and it's only available on Hulu.com and PBS in the U.S. at the moment. There are two seasons available right now, but the third is done and will probably be airing this fall.

To be honest, I wasn't completely sold after the first episode, even though it was funny. But now we've watched season 1 and all of season 2 except for the finale, and I am hooked enough that I will probably re-watch every episode before season 3 airs. 

If you don't watch for anything else, watch for season 1, episode 5: Godfellas. It could just be my Catholic roots, but making the altar boys look like the gang everyone wanted to be a part of was awesome. 

But really, you should watch all of it. It's hilarious. And while you're at it, watch all of Ricky Gervais' "An Idiot Abroad," too. Trust me. It is the funniest, most realistic travel show out there, and Karl is fantastic.

Happy Thursday!

Pumpkins in the garden

I have always longed to be a gardener. Unfortunately, my incredible distrust of things that crawl and live in the dirt and my general paleness haven't helped much.

Luckily for me, Tom's dad is an avid gardener, and he has been teaching me the ropes!

This will be year two of pumpkin growing. Last year, we grew small organic pumpkins made primarily for eating.

It was a dream come true! It was the coolest thing to watch the progress, and pumpkins are fairly low maintenance. I love that Tom's family is perfectly fine with pumpkins taking over their yard because they were so fun to grow!

Last year, we planted seeds in four locations and two of them grew. This year, we planted seeds in five locations, and all five of those locations have started growing!

Here's the part I'm really excited for. This year, we wanted big ol' carving pumpkins. The first seed packet we bought was white and orange pumpkins, but it seemed the seeds weren't coming up. So we also bought a bag of Cinderella's Carriage pumpkins. Well, now both sets of seeds have come up, so in the fall we will have a nice variety!

White and orange pumpkins

Via

Cinderella's Carriage

Via (Also an interesting article about heirloom pumpkins)

So my thumb may not be "green" just yet, but it's getting there. I can't wait to see all three kinds of pumpkins sprawled out over the yard this year! We are also looking to see which we like best, because ideally we want to use pumpkins at our wedding next year. 

Have you grown pumpkins? Would you? Any tips on gardening when you can't handle the creepy crawling things that live in the dirt?

Life updates + I found my dress!

Hello, hello!

It is Friday but totally feels like Wednesday. And I am SO glad it's not actually Wednesday. Yay!

Anyway, this is going to be a quick update because I have to get ready for work at some point this morning.

This past month has gone by so fast, and Tom and I have gotten a lot done for the wedding! I've mentioned this before, but because we are having a two-year engagement, we do things in spurts. We immediately booked our venue exactly two years to the day and did a ton of discussing and coming up with ideas. That was in October.

Then we did nothing until January, when we attended a couple wedding expos and found our photographer.

After that, we did nothing again until this month, when we completed nearly half our list of to-dos, I swear! We were on a roll.

This month, we have:

-Paid photographer deposit

-Found/booked DJ

-Found/booked videographer

-Bought lanterns on sale at Hobby Lobby for centerpieces

-I ordered my wedding socks/shoes (Yes, socks. See them here.)

-I GOT MY DRESS! At a sample sale. It was fate. 

-Planned what the groomsmen/Tom will wear

-Finalized the plan for our centerpieces

-More discussing/planning for flowers, music, etc.

-Finalized engagement party guest list

When we're in a "let's do wedding stuff" mood, we really take advantage of that. Because this summer is going to be crazy, and we won't want to do a thing.

It feels good to FINALLY be under a year and a half! 

We went to Adore Bridal in Morton on Memorial Day to look through their sample gowns. My friend was in town, so I went with her, Tom's mom and his aunt.

This dress was the first one I saw, the first one I tried on, and it was perfect. I'd actually seen it in a magazine months ago and tore out the picture, even though I was certain it was way, way too expensive. Nope! With the sale, it was well under my budget. I stare at the picture of it every.single.day.

Coming up next? My best friend's bridal shower and bachelorette party!! Let the summer begin!

Adventure

I love this picture. I could stare at it all day. I took it early in the morning last weekend at a family farm. 

It's interesting because I have a fear of horses. I have never liked riding them. I don't like to pet them. I even took horse lessons as a child, but I was always a little too anxious about what might happen to fully enjoy it.

My mother was a champion horse rider. She rode them without a saddle through the Nevada desert and won horse shows. Unfortunately, I don't think I inherited an ounce of that.

It's because they're unpredictable that I don't like getting too close. I prefer to just look at them, like this. And appreciate what they stand for: freedom, and an adventurous spirit. 

Instrumental, not ornamental

Myself, when summer meant Capri Sun and sprinklers.

Our bodies, that is. In case you haven't read the bombardment of magazine covers at the grocery store, it's nearly summer, and your body just isn't good enough for that.

It doesn't matter who you are. Something about you is inadequate. You need to lose twenty pounds, trim down your thighs or tighten your belly.

You need to be tan. But not real tan! Spray tan, tanning lotions, tan-in-a-towelette. You cannot wear shorts until your skin is the perfect shade of bottled tannish/orange. 

Ideally, aim to be hairless, poreless, freckle-less and just generally manufactured. 

Childhood summers were good on the body. Wind in your hair, grass under your feet, rain on your tongue, sun on your shoulders, dirt on your knees and an ice cream cone that melted all over your hands every time. 

The body was there to enjoy the summer. To take in the mosquito bites with the golden tan, but to have too much fun to notice either.

I have learned to be self-conscious and unappreciative of the incredible design that is the human body. 

Have you ever tried looking at every person that passes you, and seeing them as a soul within a vehicle rather than just a body? Try it. It makes you acutely aware of how hard everyone is trying. Makeup and hairstyles and uncomfortable shoes and long, long hours at the gym.

It's important, of course, to pay attention to the body. To keep it feeling healthy and vibrant. Rest when needed, sweat when needed. Don't constantly eat crap.

But at its core, the body is instrumental, not ornamental. It's not there to be looked at and judged. It's there for the wind and the dirt and the summer ice cream and that cool, invigorating rush of an ocean wave. 

And this summer, I am not putting my body through rounds of spray tanning and obsessive work outs to be "Summer Ready!!!" My pasty self will enjoy long walks and festivals with a sun hat and SPF, and it will be glorious. Freckles, insecurities and all. I want to enjoy it as best I can, grateful for a body that lets me do just that. I hope you will do the same.

Three Years and the river

This weekend Tom and I celebrated three years together!

Luckily it was a beautiful day, so we took advantage of that. We visited Wildlife Prairie Park, which is like a zoo but better. The animals there are all indigenous to Illinois and they have tons of room to roam.

From there we took a ride on the Spirit of Peoria paddle-wheeler in the hot, hot sun and I spent the entire time reapplying sunscreen. But it was beautiful and relaxing.

We stopped by the Riverfront Museum after that, got some dinner, and then rented We're the Millers. That movie was way more hilarious than I anticipated.

Photos from the day! (All are from my phone, hence the quality...still mourning the loss of my camera back in January.)

Happy Wednesday!