What is "happy"?

Riley makes me happy.

And just like that, we're nearing mid-June. 

This past weekend I got to go home, visit my family, and meet up with friends at a friend's bridal shower. I love where I live now, but going home to the Chicago suburbs always feels like getting back to my roots. 

Then I got back to work, and things were crazy. It's all calmed down now, but it was just one of those days that took a long walk, working out, and meditation to relax in the evening.

I was thinking about "happy" in the midst of all that. There is so much out there telling us to be happy. "Do what makes you happy, go where you feel happiest, life is too short to be anything but happy," etc.

And I thought about this excerpt I read on A Cup of Jo the other day: 

"I actually attack the concept of happiness. The idea that—I don't mind people being happy—but the idea that everything we do is part of the pursuit of happiness seems to me a really dangerous idea and has led to a contemporary disease in Western society, which is fear of sadness. It's a really odd thing that we're now seeing people saying "write down three things that made you happy today before you go to sleep" and "cheer up" and "happiness is our birthright" and so on. We're kind of teaching our kids that happiness is the default position. It's rubbish. Wholeness is what we ought to be striving for and part of that is sadness, disappointment, frustration, failure; all of those things which make us who we are. Happiness and victory and fulfillment are nice little things that also happen to us, but they don't teach us much. Everyone says we grow through pain and then as soon as they experience pain they say, "Quick! Move on! Cheer up!" I'd like just for a year to have a moratorium on the word "happiness" and to replace it with the word "wholeness." Ask yourself, "Is this contributing to my wholeness?" and if you're having a bad day, it is."

—Hugh MacKay, author of The Good Life

There is so much truth in that. It's confusing to be told to strive to be happy, because to me, that's more a surface mood than anything else. It comes and goes depending on the day. We know it means something deeper, like contentment at a soul level, but I think we more often associate "happy" with smiling, playing, and being free from pain or stress.

Being told to "do what makes you happy" confuses people into doing what they think is easy. Because the real feeling they're looking for is appreciation, or wholeness, as Hugh MacKay pointed out. But what is truly meaningful to them might take work, sweat, tears and sacrifices, and certainly isn't going to make them feel happy all of the time. 

Something doesn't have to make you eternally happy to be completely worth your time and dedication. I try to replace "happy" with "grateful." If I am having an awful day, I am not going to be happy about it. But I still feel grateful for it, because I think everything I have right now belongs in my life. Some things I am even astounded I get to claim as my own. 

The only part I don't agree with out of that passage is the line about writing down things that make you happy. I think doing that is great. Why not? It's always just reminded me of the things that make me smile, and the things I am grateful for.

What do you think? Is all this "happy" pushing us to strive for a mood rather than a purpose?

Happy Wednesday!