My Thoughts On...Life Plans

A photo just before sunrise over Peoria, August 2012

I never actually realized how much college would change me.

Does anyone?

But I don't know if it's just college, necessarily. I think it's those years between 18 and 22, with or without college, that brings about a kind of transformation.

As a freshman people told me over and over again how I would change, freshmen are immature, I have so much to learn, etc. And frankly, it was a little annoying to be reminded of that constantly. That even though that was who I was right then, I would still have to "find myself" later on. What was wrong with who I was?

I don't believe we ever really lose ourselves. As I asked my roommate this week, "Isn't it weird sometimes to think that you are stuck with yourself forever? You don't get a single break your whole life, and you can't run away or divorce yourself. You're there until you die. That's some serious commitment."

(I kind of think she thought I was really weird or depressed.)

Yes, I am a completely different person than I was four years ago. But it was still me, just an earlier version of myself. Everything, including our cars, our electronics and ourselves have to adapt, evolve.

But truly, the difference between myself circa 2008 and myself now is vast. And I am absolutely loving getting older. With each passing year I feel a little more sure of myself, a little more content with where I'm at.

I turn 22 in less than a month, and to be honest, my life has taken a complete 180 degree flip from what I thought it would be as an impending college graduate.

Even two years ago, I had a completely different outlook on things. I thought that by graduation I would have had an internship in New York with a job lined up. I pitied anyone in a serious relationship when they graduated because I believed they were limiting themselves immensely. And I was very, very unsure of what my emotions ever were because I had a lot of them, but I buried them somewhere so deep that only recently have I been able to dig them up and let them go. 

Now I am about to be 22. I have no job lined up. I had local internships. The thought of visiting New York, let alone living there, kind of makes me cringe. I have a newfound appreciation for all things quiet and simple. I love the countryside. And I am moving in with my boyfriend at the end of the year when most of my friends are looking for apartments or looking for jobs all over the country.

I am much less put-together than I imagined I would be. I am in a long-term relationship that I never saw coming. I am friends with people I never thought I could be friends with. And I am happier than I ever could have imagined.

Life has a way of throwing you through loop after loop, but somehow, it always seems to know what's best.