Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Life Tales: Waking Sleeping People

It's always the way, isn't it?

Your friend or significant other or whomever is asleep, very near your high-traffic area for the morning.
(For example, my friend was sleeping on the couch this morning, while I was bustling around in the kitchen.)

On regular mornings, it seems to go like this:

I get up. I am feeling remarkably graceful. I quietly brew some coffee, enjoy it over a bowl of oatmeal, watch the sunrise.
My hair is behaving well, so I wash my face, brush my teeth, put on a dot of makeup and leisurely make my way out the door. All is well.

On days like today, where I am deliberately attempting not to wake someone:

I get up, walk down the hallway. Stub my toe on the door, yell expletives in my head. Go to the bathroom, bang the cabinet closed. Walk slowly on tiptoe, trying to be stealthy. Knock over the metallic hairspray container, which makes the WORST NOISE EVER when it hits the ground.

Stare at it angrily.
Make a mental note not to knock over anything else. Only allotted one loud noise. My friend is probably still asleep. She's a heavy sleeper, right?

Go into the kitchen, brew some coffee. Holy hell, has the coffee maker always been that loud?! It sounds like an angry cat that is also on its deathbed. Look over. Friend is still sleeping.

Mug slips out of hands into sink. Fridge door slams shut. Loud sneeze. Stumble over chair, proceed to whisper angrily. Hiccup. Annoying talking ad pops up on computer, volume is turned up all the way.
Phone rings. Telemarketer who speaks Spanish.

I walk to the door, ready to leave in a puddle of shame. Turn lock. It makes the slightest clicking noise. That does it. Of all the things, THAT causes friend to stir. I quickly walk out and lock the door.

***

So this happens to other people right?
My mom used to grind her coffee beans in the bathroom when I had a friend over. It was a nice gesture, but it didn't matter because the dog would jump on anyone's head who dared to sleep on the couch.
Then she would lick them and likely sneeze on them. (The dog. Not my mom.)

Happy Tuesday!

7 comments:

  1. I love your writing, Heather! It always makes me laugh. :) I was already smiling at your story, but then I started laughing out loud after I read the hiccup part until the end.

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    1. Haha why thank you! When I got home later my friend was like "...explain what happened this morning." Thanks for reading!

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  2. Picturing this, and you, in my head makes me laugh.

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    1. We have had this EXACT morning like a million times hahaha.

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  3. hello from another central IL college student! love your blog. very glad to have found it! :) new follower here!

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    1. Ahh a fellow blogger from the land of corn! Thanks for reading :)

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  4. Hahaha! That was great! And yes - EVERYTHING always seems to get louder when you are deliberately trying to keep quiet!
    I'm thrilled to be your newest follower and would love it if you could return the follow if you get the chance and wish to :)
    Best,
    Sapir @ smellthewildflowers.blogspot.com

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